Making this shift can be especially hard for parents who see their children suffering, feel helpless, and want to find a solution. But if we can put on this “new pair of glasses” we find we have more agency than we thought.
Below are some questions we can ask and examples of what we might find. Notice I use the word "Wow!" as it helps us acknowledge a big truth, pause for a moment. . . and shift into positive curiosity:
“Wow, I seem to be really sensitive to certain sounds . . . how does this ability actually help me?”
You may discover that some sounds affect you in a really positive way. You can use this to “counter” negative experiences by using “positive sounds” as a resource.
Sound sensitivity has probably helped you in ways you've never been aware of before - you may find that when someone loses their phone, you can hear it vibrate even if it’s under a bunch of pillows and blankets. Or when walking in nature, you’ll be able to hear the smallest rustle of a branch and see a cool critter before it scurries away to hide. You may have been walking alone at night and heard faint footsteps signaling you to be alert to stay safe. Shifting to noticing the positives-no matter how small they might seem at the time-do add up.
Some Misophones go into careers where sound sensitivity makes them especially good at their jobs—sound mixers and technicians, musicians, work with animals or children where understanding the nuances of non-verbal sound is important… and because most Misophones identify as HSP, we often have other sensory sensitivities—especially empathic abilities that make us good doctors, nurses, therapists…high moral standards make us good leaders, company executives, and changemakers.
“My Misophonia seems to get worse when I don’t get good sleep and not enough exercise . . . what can I do to take better care of myself?”
Misophonia doesn’t let us get away with bad self-care. All the things that keep Misophonic responses low are also all the things that keep us healthy, happy, and grounded.
“Wow, my Misophonia gets really bad when I feel trapped, that I have no agency, and hopeless . . . when have I also felt this way without the Misophonia response?”
Many folks who explore this question easily connect to memories from the past when there was an experience of “trapped”, “I can’t speak up for myself”, and/or “hopeless”.
Sometimes these memories are connected to past experiences that have not been healed yet. Other times, it highlights current events where these feelings are still being experienced and need attention.
“Wow, my child (or partner) is really struggling with sensory sensitivity and nervous system dysregulation due to Misophonia . . . what do I need to know about these two topics to support my child (or partner)?”
Misophonia can be hard to grasp and validate if we look at it from a “it’s their problem” stance instead of a “my child(or partner) has different needs that I need to understand better” perspective.
Our world is getting noisier, busier, less connected to nature, and research is only just catching up to prove the negative mental health impacts of this trend—especially on children.
Whole families can benefit from learning more about sensory input systems and how it can impact our nervous systems. Many of our common conveniences (cell phones, fast food, social media) and how we often use them are negatively impacting our physical and mental health—which impacts our interactions with our loved ones. Small shifts in family routines, diet, and conscious awareness of media consumption can make a world of difference for a Misophone and everyone in the family.
“Wow, my parent, and I think my grandparent also suffered from Misophonia . . . I wonder what that is pointing to?”
Advances in technology have given us amazing tools to better understand what we might inherit through DNA, but we also inherit NERVOUS SYSTEMS. As the science and study of Epigenetics is showing us, we can inherit certain genetic traits, but it is our environment that will “switch on” many of the problematic ones. The good news here is that there are ways to “switch it off” in many cases. Transgenerational trauma is a topic that we have more and more understanding about and is often at the root of many physical illnesses and mental health issues.
Advances in neuroscience, trauma therapy, and the connection between mental health and physical health has also expanded. We have better ways for people to find healing from past traumas—including the ones we may have inherited.
“Wow, my Misophonia triggers a really angry part of me that I don’t like . . . I wonder how it’s trying to help me?”
The “rage” response is probably the hardest part of the Misophonia experience to appreciate, but angry parts are not bad—they are trying to protect us.
More often than not, anger is “forbidden” or considered “bad” in our western culture—especially for women and girls. Men and boys traditionally get the short end of the stick when it comes to permission to show feelings of hurt or grief. Exploring our relationship to anger can get us in touch with much needed boundaries, hurts that haven’t been addressed, needs that haven’t been met.
Making this shift in how we approach Misophonia is powerful and necessary if we are to make progress— it takes effort and we often need help, but the benefits are tremendous—for everyone involved. You don’t have to take my word for it. The common themes from all our “Freedom Stories” (check out the "Misophonia Freedom Project") is that it took this shift to find freedom—to get curious, to not turn away, to be with and show compassion to whatever comes up on the journey. Misophonia is teaching us to heal ourselves and by extension, our families, communities, and the world. That’s a lesson worth learning!
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